Here is a singular account of some comments* and responses that have happened over email. I think publishing them here, as a post, adds great value. It gives a glimpse into how, an outsider¬† (Non-Hindu, Non-Indian) could be affected by Caste system and the practice of Arranged Marriages. I think this reader’s story will resonate with a lot of other readers as well.

Here we go …


Original Comment:
Hi Mr. Blogger of Know Rial India,
I just write you to thank you for giving me insights about arrange marriage in India. For a month now I been really shattered because my bf of 3 years married a girl his parents arranged for him to marry.I always know from the start of our relationship he was bound for arrange marriage, he told me we don’t have a future together because his parents were busy looking for a girl for him to marry. But then I really love him so I was telling myself I rather love and get hurt than not experience love at all, so went I risk my heart and spend 3 years of our lives as gf-bf. We were both based in Southeast Asian Islands, though I really feel he loves me back also but he always put an invisible line of distance between us every time we get lovey-dovey he was constantly reminding me that he wont be able to give me a future.It was frustrating to be with somebody you cant plan a future with, it was like living with cancer, you have to make most of the moment cos tomorrow will never be the same anymore. Every day being together was a blessing and big deal for me.
I always thought I’ll be ready when it comes, until last May 22 this year he told he needs to go home to India his parents had set his marriage within 2 weeks, he didn’t even meet the bride personally but he show me the picture of his would be wife-a village girl from his village though who has a master’s degree but never actually use her education because she never work in her life.My ex-bf was a corporate employee.
For the next few days before he heads back to India was really emotionally draining, the moment I wake up I keep crying and pleading him not to do it, not to throw the 3 years of our love for each other but he seems so helpless for it and I could never understand why for somebody who already makes a living would allow to make other people decide important decision in his life such as his own marriage.
Its almost a month now after he got married and I am still devastated with his decision, we still talk everyday, he keeps telling how unhappy he is with his marriage, how they haven’t consummated the marriage yet cos they are not yet comfortable with each other. I am so angry at him for making our lives miserable by marrying her.
Before he got married we agree that he marry her but we still go on with our relationship but I am not made to be a mistress, I just feel I don’t deserve it so everyday its emotionally stressful for both of us because I cant stop crying, though he keep reassuring me that its me he loves but its killing me knowing at the end of the day he is sleeping with her.
I read a lot of blogs about arrange marriage in India and all of them I end up feeling more miserable after reading. Tonight I came across yours and it makes me understand the whole thing and strengthen my resolves to walk away from him. I realize even if I catch the grenade for him, even if I give him my life he wouldn’t be able to appreciate it because that is the kind of life he grows up with, no matter how I gamble my heart I could never win fated against cultural upbringing.
Thank you very much and more power to you.
Very Truly Yours,
Initial Response:
Dear Ms. M,
I am glad that my blog has been able to help you to come to a resolution regarding this delicate and troubling matter that you are presented with. You have my fullest sympathies with regards to the whole turn of events that you were subjected to. As mentioned in my blog, Hindu religion enforces “marriage within caste” and all Hindus will adhere to it. So please realize that your Ex was bound by rules of his religion and had no chance to stand against it. It is highly unfortunate that a religion should value mutual exclusion by virtue of caste as more fundamental than Love and Equality, but that is the nature of the beast that we are dealing with.
I greatly commend you for your commitment to Love, and Live in the moment. While this maybe trying at this time, be rest assured that you are way ahead of some us in terms of being able to love and enjoy the moment and not being held hostage to the end result. I also think that having made the resolution to move on you will in the very near future find new sources of inspiration and love and be all the more appreciative of the same.I hope that you will continue to appreciate my blog and provide me with valuable feedback and encouragement that will give me purpose and strength to continue with my fight against Caste System and Untouchability.Sincerely,
Sidd Valicharla
Closing Comments by Ms M:
Dear Sidd,
Thank you for taking time to write back I will of course be a forever big fan of your blog in fact i bookmark your site in my computer.
I could never be able to relate to these Hindu’s, why would they allow a religion to manipulate them.I was in India once and I was horrified when my friend got upset with me for being nice to a certain person from Bihar, she was from Delhi and a Punjabi.
My ex was a Bihari maybe from a lower caste because he looked shabby the first time I met him. I never meet in my life people as judgemental as the Hindu’s.They boost about the 95% success of their arrange marriage between caste which is often not true, most of these men after marriage were into extra-marital affairs.These people are so full of pretense.
Anyway maybe its good for them to marry within a caste so they keep breeding spineless men and miserable women. I am currently working now here in the Gulf and I feel awful how badly treated are the Indians. Now i should not be surprise they cant even assert their rights over there own choice of life partner how can I expect them to assert their to be treated more humanely.
And there women so boost that they eventually fall in love with the man they are married with-all bullshit! They did not even experience an affectionate gesture from their men.Love for them is because they stick together no matter how miserable they are. I wonder did these women even experience the butterflies in the stomach just the mere sight of there husband, did they even experience the giddy feeling the moment they wake up each morning next to their husband?this we-could-conquer-everything-as-long-as-were-together feeling.I don’t want to miss out on that feelings if I get married.If my parents would arrange my marriage I would rather die, its awful that a person will just marry you just because people arrange it for you, I want to be swept off my feet and be ask to be his wife.
I actually feel sorry for his wife, yeah they might be sleeping in one bed but behind her back his husband is texting I love you to me. But I am not raise to feel happy about her misfortune for marrying an inconsiderate man. I love him with all of my heart but I want him to settle well, to start his marriage right, its painful but I always know doing the right thing in life is not always easy.
May the lesson I learn from this is to caution other girls of different nationality and religion never to fall in love with Hindu mens because in the end most of them are really spineless. Kudos to their mothers who raise men who cant think and decide for themselves.
A month ago I could never picture myself to say I can walk from this now I’m telling myself what I am thinking I stayed for so long with him, such a waste of time loving someone who cant appreciate somebody who will go to hell with hell.Thanks to you Sidd, now I found courage and strength.I spread the word about your blog among my friends.
Godbless and more power.
Take care,
Final Response:
Dear Ms M,
I am glad I could help you. However, you should always remember that it was your keen insight and relentless search for an answer that has guided you out of this predicament and has also strengthened you to move on and experience a new life and face any future challenges with courage and conviction. My one last suggestion in this matter would be to completely close this chapter and move on. I think that it will be in the best interests of all three of you and more so for you to do so. You are in no way obliged to ensure the happiness of your Ex or his wife. He moved out and married her, and by doing so he himself relieved you of any obligation towards his happiness or anyone he is linked with. I think any further correspondence (phone, email or even text) will only open old wounds and present you with challenges that will hold you back from moving on and exploring new possibilities. So good luck.
Dear friends,
I hope this rendition of comments and responses shows you different places where what you read on my blog can be applied. And I definitely have had comments to that effect from you,  so please keep them coming.
Meanwhile, to atone for my tardiness, I will leave with you with a link of me discussing the subtleties of of Indian Castes System and Untouchability with a class of anthropology students at Milwaukee School of Engineering. I hope that you enjoy it and share with me any feedback that will help me improve upon it. Also do let me know if you would be willing to host any such speaking engagements by me or my team, either in person or on the web.

*Posted as agreed upon by the commenter. Thanks, Ms. M for sharing your story!